In The Bleak Midwinter

Although prairie temperatures are tough,
I'd gladly take a couple weeks of unbelievably bitter cold
over several months of unending grey and bite-to-the-bone snow-rain.
Tottori winters have taught me that I can never live in Vancouver.

There are certain things that a person needs to know to survive a Japanese winter, and more specifically, winter in Tottori. Here are ten:

1.   Layers are your friend. In a land where you wear your heating devices (be they fleece-lined, thermal or kairo*), rockin’ sweaters on top of sweaters and other fashion faux-pas are expected.

2.   Eat whatever you want whenever you want, as long as you don’t have to buy new clothes. Chocolate, cheese, cake, carbs – if it’ll contribute to your caloric intake and thus, increase your core temperature – go crazy. Furthermore, the serotonin and endorphins that these treats release are essential to emotional (and consequently, physical) health.**

3.   There is no shame in coming home, feeding, and crawling into bed with a book or laptop. In fact, it’s comfortable and economical. Furthermore, as a wise woman (who may be my mother) once told me, there aren’t a lot of things in this world that a good night’s sleep can’t cure. Words worth remembering when working with mini-humanity and their ever-suspect hygiene all week.

4.   Treat yourself to a musical buffet. Like candy, J-pop and K-pop*** are great for satisfying a sweet-tooth, but when you’re craving real Canadian beef and potatoes, streaming everything emerging and indie on CBC Radio 3 with your fancy-dancy iPod (how are you going to live without this thing?) is the only option.

5.   Celebrate Christmas endlessly. Cinnamon apple crisp. Copious chocolate from around the world. The Christmas card tree with contributions that arrived before Halloween and after New Year's. A festive wreath your neighbors surely wish you’d take down already. Christmas carols in a belated January 24^th winter wonderland. Christmas presents from November until January 25^th.

Thanks, G & G!

6.   Indulge in guilty pleasures. Cake dates. Saturday afternoon rom-coms in bed. A second cup of cocoa, followed by a fourth cookie. As much overpriced fruit as you can carry. Justin and Adele.

Care for a curiously-named cookie?

7.   Follow the sun. Literally, weather-permitting. Figuratively, if not. 

8.   Find comfort in the company of fellow survivors and be open to them when they seek it of you.

So much colder than it looks!

9.   Ignore the chilling rain and slippery streets, and walk anyway. Chase your students around the gym at morning recess and lunch break on your weekly visits to elementary school. Dance around your room. Just move.

10.   Take a deep breath, stretch your cold, crumbling limbs, and remind yourself that spring is just around the corner.

Even grey days are beautiful in Mochigase.

* Kairo are disposable packets that produce heat. For a more detailed description, please see http://www.japanmarketingnews.com/2007/11/kairo-keeps-tok.html

** Oh yeah, this is totally scientifically sound.

*** pop music from Japan (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9yihAK-4Jw) and from Korea (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_rGyJ-c7ps), respectively 

Holiday

“Same same but different” is a tongue-in-cheek Thai saying often, but not exclusively, referring to knock-off items sold at the ubiquitous street markets. (For example: “Madame, you wanna watch?” “Is it Timex?” “Yeah, same same.” Except that it’s not.)

The following multiple choice offerings feature three “same same's” and one “different.” Find the fakes, if you can!

Let's get ready to barter! 

Bangkok is a city ______.

a)    whose sights and smells overwhelm and assault the senses

b)    famous for its pristine parks and public washrooms

c)     where street-food makes you salivate despite its questionable sanitation

d)    crawling with lonely old men looking for love (or something like it)

Pristine park? Check.

Christmas Eve, I ______.

a)    survived my first tuk-tuk experience

b)    got teary-eyed while lighting candles and singing “Oh Holy Night” during a church service at Bangkok Christian College

c)     treated myself a to delicious Lebanese dinner, a slightly disappointing Dairy Queen sundae, the critically-acclaimed “Prodigal Summer” by Barbara Kingsolver, and tickets to the Glee-esque feel-good movie “Pitch Perfect”

d)    was scarred for life at a “ping-pong show” in Bangkok’s red-light district

It's kind of like a souped-up golf cart.

Ladyboys are more ______ than me.

a)    stylish

b)  high-pitched

c)     beautiful

d)    flirtatious

one of many impressive buildings at the Grand Palace

On Christmas Day, I ______.

a)    got chewed-out (“I don’t want you doing that here. It’s very invasive.”) by a bitter old beer-drinking British bah humbug hanging around my hostel while Skyping my family at 10 am

b)    visited the Grand Palace and Wat Pho

c)     mourned the fact that the highly anticipated “Les Misérables” will not be in Bangkok until late January and slept through “Life of Pi”, instead

d)    kept my cool after being winked at by an on-duty cop 

me not being patient at Wat Pho

All around the world, people love Canadian music. Thailand is no exception.

a)  I found Neil Young, Kathleen Edwards, Feist, K'Naan, Metric, and six different Joni

     Mitchell CDs at a music store in a monstrous mall.

b)  I was serenaded by a bunch of over-dramatic, inebriated tourist boy-men with

      a ridiculous rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" during a (slightly) scary ferry to

      party paradise island Koh Phangan.

c)  I responded in kind by belting the opening lines of Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me,

      Maybe" to every available, attractive man I met.

d)  From "Mistletoe" at the movie theatre to "Eenie Meenie" at the club to

     "Boyfriend" on street vendors' radios, Bieber Fever is alive and well in Bangkok.*

fresh, affordable fruit...slobber...drool

Chiang Mai is a city ______.

a)    with lots of outdoorsy stuff to do

b)    where we met a sweet and most surprising monk

c)     that is extremely expensive

d)    I never want to visit again

Looks like Saskatchewan (same same...

The most important things to bring on a slightly disorganized and surprisingly demanding “non-touristic” jungle trek are ______.

a)    hand sanitizer

b)    the latest Time magazine

c)     plenty of money for bottled water

d)    a sense of humour 

....but different!)

Memorable moments from said tour include ______.

a)    meeting interesting people from Belgium, Holland, Switzerland, and Alaska

b)    being woken up hours before sunrise by competitive, confused roosters 

c)     riding “bareback” on the neck of an elephant

d)    the unforgettable waterfall and amazing white-water rafting

Team Canada and our Thai friend

Throughout the trip, I slept ______.

a)    like a sloth

b)    in short, periodic bursts indifferent to time of day

c)     nearly as much in trains and planes as in my hostels

d)    an average of five hours per night

the gorgeous gazebo I had to drag myself away
from to go exploring (being on vacation is hard)

Aoi Garden Home is ______.

a)    the dream-turned-reality of a remarkable Thai woman named Aoi

b)    , in the words of a skeptic-turned-believer, “a hippie commune paradise”

c)  ridiculously expensive

d)  likely the best hostel experience I've ever had.**

I would live here.

Hard Road Café is ______.

a)    owned and operated by four good-hearted, good-looking, but kind of clueless beach bums from France

b)    home to a pleasing array of catchy pop, reggae, R&B, and other summer tunes spun from about 9 am until the wee hours of morning 

c)     a spotless, odorless home-away-from-home with speedy service, showers that drain, toilets that flush, sinks that don’t dribble on your feet, and guests that don’t retch behind buildings while you brush your teeth

d)    probably the worst hostel I’ve ever stayed at

classy joint

The Full Moon Party at Haad Rin beach on New Year’s Eve was ______.

a)    an eye-opening and euphoric experience enabling epiphanies essential to my evolution

b)    multiple memorable hours of mischief and mayhem

c)     a collection of the charming and chiseled of countless countries chock-full of chemicals to conveniently counter the curse of celibacy  

d)    disappointing due to a deficiency of decent DJs and an abundance of alcohol-ed alpha-males wading out in the ocean to pee

liquid courage comes in a bucket

Cheesiest pick-up lines include “______.”

a)    I was wondering if you would do me a favour. See, I haven’t had my New Year’s kiss yet…

b)    You’re very maternal.

c)     I want to know you.

d)    I’m a good guy. Life is short.

2013, よろしく!

Things I meant to but didn’t do include ______.

a)    taking a Thai cooking class

b)    meditation

c)     replacing my ratty business casual work wardrobe

d)    getting a massage every day

Does this qualify as business casual?

In Thailand, ______.

a)    sweetened condensed milk is its own food group

b)    “same same” means that night market “North Face” backpack won’t last the trip

c)     “a little spicy” means you’ll feel it tomorrow

d)    toilet paper gets flushed down the toilet

It looked harmless enough.

The weather was ______.

a)    cold and cloudy

b)    in the high twenties

c)     sunny every day save one

d)    perfect

A girl could get used to this.

Thai people ______.

a)    smile back at you

b)    are uptight and in a hurry

c)     deeply respect their King and Queen

d)    generally speak excellent English 

a monk (but not the one you're thinking of) feeding the fish

Airports are ______.
a)    sterile
b)    super fun
c)     soul-sucking
d)    stressful

Don't let this friendly (fierce?)  face fool you.

I would die happy if I never again had to deal with ______.

a)    street food

b)    Shanghai airport

c)     egocentric American baby-boomers with the laughable sense of superiority due to the fact that they are on holiday and thus, “entitled” to enjoy themselves

d)  the misnomer that is Expedia

sunburned + stuffing my face with sticky mango rice
 = success!    

During my travels, I may have ______.

a)     met the man of my dreams while busting a move on a Bangkok dance floor

b)     fallen into a dirt pit while trying to avoid using a primitive and pitch-black squaty-potty

        outhouse on the jungle tour

c)     gotten serially scammed while consuming, considering, and commuting

d)    punched a drunken frat boy in the face while protecting a friend from unwanted

        advances on New Year’s Eve   

Attack of the Jungle Mud: The Sequel?

Traveling in and around Thailand was pretty straight-forward. Bangkok has an amazingly efficient metro and sky train system, and while the cross-country trains were slow (and ran late), they got us where we needed to go. Flying was another story.

a)    Thai SMILE Airlines forgot Jessica’s suitcase in Bangkok, requiring she and I to travel by ferry, bus, and taxi (and back again) on our own coin much the next day to retrieve it from the Koh Samui Airport. 

b)    Our return flights with China Eastern Airlines got messy, resulting in Josh, Suzanne, and I literally running from shuttle bus to Customs in order meet up with Brooke, collect our baggage and clear Security in Shang Hai (replacing Chicago as my least favorite airport on earth) before checking right back in for our hour-long flight to Osaka.

c)     We missed (as we were logistically, if not emotionally, prepared for) the last bus to Tottori by just under an hour, requiring us to check in at a capsule hotel in Osaka. While we would have preferred our own beds, it was a cool experience. 

d)    Upon our return, Tottori looked like a gloomy snow-globe, complete with swirling flurries and icy road conditions that caused our bus to spin out-of-control and into the ditch. Thankfully, no one was injured.

bad to the bone

Other surprises include ______.

a)    catching up with a friend from Regina in Bangkok

b)    the loudest kid on my transcontinental family-filled flight from Bangkok to Shang Hai was not only Japanese, but also old enough to know better

c)     the subconscious ability to self-monitor the intense culture shock that can accompany international travel 

d)  catching up with a friend from Seoul in Bangkok

Good-bye, lovely Thailand. I'll be back!

I came home with ______.

a)    food poisoning, malaria, and a Farang (motorcycle) tattoo
b)    my curry craving satisfied, my Vitamin D replenished, my thirst for adventure slaked…for now
c)     red jungle mud on my shoes, white beach sand in my bag, and rainbowed flecks of glow-in-the-dark paint on a soon-to-be-retired dancing dress
d)    good anecdotes, great friends, and enough sunflower, rye, and pumpernickel bread to last until February

the capsule was pretty comfortable, but...

I am happy to be back in Tottori because ______.

a)    I love my bed

b)    I need a vacation from my vacation

c)     I missed school lunch

d)    I’m looking forward to karaoke   

*Interesting aside: In a recent exclusive Oprah interview, Justin cites Japan as his favorite country because he loves “the culture and the people” and the fact that he can "walk around and not get noticed as much." This might explain why most of my small-town students don’t know who he is. Or PSY, for that matter. (But that’s a whole other kettle of sashimi.)

**The runner-up award goes to Hostel Majda in Mostar, Bosnia and Herzegovina.