It’s spring vacation!
This means my elementary school kids play outside at their grandparents', my Junior High schoolers show up from 8 am to noon for their respective club activities (some go home for lunch and come back 'til 3 pm), and I roam the school in search of said students, or sit in the staff room studying kanji or preparing posters until my teachers take me out for lunch.
In an effort to occupy myself, I started flipping through my elementary school notebooks to see what I’ve learned over the past eight months. In no particular order:
If you’re the only one doing it, it’s probably not a good idea.
Graduation is a serious (and seriously nostalgic – cue the swells of melodramatic soap opera music) business. Sit up straight, bow as one, don’t stop clapping, and for gosh sake, don’t smile!
Male teachers are either excessively nice or ignore me completely.
Recipe for the most delicious kyushoku (school lunch): consume virtually nothing in the twenty-four leading up to said lunch. (See previous blog.) One-hundred percent success guaranteed.
Principals enjoy speaking to me in Japanese as if I understand.
Although being dragged across a polished wooden floor dressed in professional attire during a game that can best be described as “pull-apart-the-human-knot” hardly qualifies as dignified, it definitely buys you street cred with eight-year-olds.
Office ladies are a source of hot drinks, some English, and surprise sweets. In short, they are your best friend. You should know your best friends’ names.
When it comes to determining who goes first, who gets lunch leftovers, or who cleans up, Janken (“Rock, Paper, Scissors’’) is indisputable. Seriously, this game could put an end to war.
Often, the most intelligent thing you can do is admit that you have no idea.
Recess is a great time to impress small children by how much faster than them you can run…even if your glory is short-lived and you end up walking off a stitch as they sprint circles around you.
“I like (insert color or fruit in English)” is really all you need to have a mutually satisfying conversation with a first-grader.
Never trust an elementary school child’s attire to indicate temperature. High-spirited grade five boys wear shorts in January while you shiver in layers, long-johns, and two pairs of socks. The solution is to join their game of dodge-ball in a gym where you can see your breath.
Virtually any pastime that does not involve fancy technology (i.e. string games like “cats’ cradle”, juggling, spinning tops) will be referred to as an ancient Japanese game.
No matter how many times you decline coffee, it will appear (with cream, sugar, and cookies, if you’re lucky) and you will drink it. You will even come to appreciate the mild buzz, but you will never learn to like the stuff.
Understanding Japanese is definitely something to strive for. However, if you speak Disney, dodge-ball, and endless English greetings, you can get by.
Well-behaved children are wonderful, but the rowdy gang is more fun.
