Wednesday, October 31, 2012

We Are The World

a child's artwork from an international collection
celebrating Amnesty International's 75th anniversary,
as seen at Tottori's TIME Festival last November 


Sometimes internationalization means being taught how to make a paper airplane when you think you’re making a paper crane.

Sometimes it means several elementary school teachers and your principal on their computers and electronic dictionaries, searching for English translations of the various Japanese-specific vegetables (i.e. gobo = burdock root) you’ve already accepted as unknown but edible.

Or taking a deep breath and indulging the innocently rudimentary English advances of a middle-aged farmer as your JTE and eight of your thirteen-year old male students observe curiously, unsure of whether to erupt into hormonal laughter or act cool about something that is apparently completely normal in their ALT’s (i.e. your) world. In short, it means pretending to be comfortable in a situation even when you want to crawl under a rock and dig a hole to Canada

Or finding yourself in exhausted conversations about your home and native land – about ice hockey, maple syrup, “Bancoobah,” the Rockies and “aulola.” And as much as you once thought you’d dispel (or, at least, avoid contributing to) the stereotypes, you’ve now mostly happy that they exist. It makes the late-night talks in smoky bars so much easier when you can nod and smile, and then, in turn, “ooh” and “ahh” over the wonders of Japansumo, sushi, Kyoto, Mount Fuji, and sakura blossoms, respectively. Common ground, however superficial, is nothing to turn your foreign nose up at.

Or attempting to continue the following conversation

Mother: Echo-sensei desuka? (Are you Miss Echo?)
Me: Hai. (Yes.)
Mother: Echo-sensei wa Kitty suki desuka? (Do you like Hello Kitty?)
Me: (laughing) Hai, daisuki desu! (Yes, I love her!)

with the mother of a third grade elementary school student you can’t put a face to, but who has apparently gone home to talk about your Hello Kitty pencil case and matching notebook. How to explain that the former was cheap and necessary, the latter a coincidental gift from your Japanese teacher? Easy. You don’t. Instead, you love Kitty for all she’s worth.

Sometimes internationalization means momentarily abandoning a mountain of notebooks that won’t correct themselves in order to humor your bored Kocho-sensei (Principal) in a brokenly bilingual conversation about European travel, fear of heights, and ancient Japanese architecture (none of which either of you has vocabulary for in the other’s native tongue) as the rest of the staffroom continues working – shuffling papers while listening with various degrees of interest – as you both smilingly struggle to give and grasp meaning through gestures, guessing, and good ol’ Google.

Sometimes it means joining your Mochigase junior high school students’ parents in twice-weekly rehearsals of a choral arrangement of this popular Japanese pop song to be performed in front of their children, spouses, and friends at the annual school cultural festival in November.

Or piecing together an “international medley” of Ikimono Gakari (see above song), Michael Jackson, and Funky Monkey Babys on your violin for Kawahara Junior High’s cultural festival.

Sometimes internationalization means finding yourself heading to Coca Cola West Park on a sunny Saturday morning to watch your Mochigase Junior High School girls play volleyball, not realizing what a mission you’re about to embark on. It means propitiously bumping into your track-and-field Kawahara boys in the parking lot and, after they’ve recovered from the tremendous shock of seeing you, harassing them into giving you directions to the volleyball courts with a vague promise to come watch their races later (you do). It means hustling over to the gym, only to be waylaid by a team of giggling girls nervously testing out their English on your back (“Hello. Hello. Nice to meet you!”) just as you’re about to enter the building. You stop. Turn. Smile. Ask them how they are. Where they’re from. Do they play volleyball? What time do they play? Explain that you’re there to watch a game, but you are late. Apologize and say goodbye. Enter building, hoping to find someone to ask, or better yet, someone to follow to your destination. No such luck. There are parents and toddlers, coaches and players coming and going from somewhere, but it’s not obvious. In an attempt to avoid your first gaijin smash of the day, you do what you know – you approach a group of junior high boys and start speaking to them. Slowly. Using sentences straight out of their textbook. “Excuse me. I want to go to…” Wasting no time, they call over their team’s resident English expert. “Can I help you?” he asks with feigned confidence. You ask simply. He answers. You thank him sincerely, and race away up the stairs as his teammates sugoi* and burst into hearty applause. You enter the gymnasium, pick out your team from the eight currently playing, slip into a seat with a sigh, and settle in. 10:26 AM. The game finishes four minutes later. Sugoi, indeed.

*Sugoi! is an exclamation expressing amazement, approval, or surprise. It’s been explained to me as “wow!” “that’s great!” and “no way!”       
       

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Oops...! I Did It Again

Not long after arriving in Japan, a friend introduced me to the concept of the "gaijin smash." Although a number of definitions exist, the one that best serves my purposes is the following found on urbandictionary.com: "when a gaijin (foreigner) breaks Japanese cultural conventions intentionally or mistakenly..."

I would like to preface this entry by explaining that I rarely seek to purposefully break the rules. I just happen to be a pro at doing it accidentally.


shot by a compliant, but confused fellow first-year JET
"Why do you want a picture of this...?"

Hit me, Baby: this overly enthusiastic pose in a squatty-potty outhouse near Higashihama Beach was taken sometime in early August 2011. It would take another few months to realize I’d been using it backwards.

Hit me, Baby (December 7th): walked into (and around) Kawahara Daiichi Elementary School’s library with my guest slippers on. Extended staring and whispering ensued before I realized my error. No shoes in the library.

One more time (March 7th): while preparing to play a violin concert at Saigo ES, I confidently waltz into a carpeted multipurpose room with my indoor runners on, only to be whispered at apologetically by a teacher a few awkward seconds later. No shoes in…carpeted rooms?

Hit me, Baby (August 23rd): couldn’t find the restaurant hosting my Mochigase Junior High School welcome enkai and showed up twenty minutes late. While I’d been told tardiness to such parties is a no-no, it didn’t seem like a big deal. Still, I vowed not to make the same mistake twice.

One more (September 10th): after an incredibly hot and humid Undokai (Sports Day), my JTE at Kawahara Junior High School dropped me off at home thirty minutes before our enkai was scheduled to begin with a warning not to be late. I took heed, downed a couple litres (literally) of water, and headed back out into the scorching late afternoon sun. Without showering. Without even changing out of my brand-new 100% polyester school track shirt. Not only was I not late, I was early enough to observe the arrival of virtually every other teacher; showered, changed and nearly all noticeably late (my JTE included). I also learned that while hydration is a beautiful thing, it can also be a painful one if not timed properly (i.e. go to the toilet before every tipsy teacher decides to make a ten-minute toast to goodness knows what, occasionally slurring surprisingly articulate apologies in your direction consisting of variations on the theme of “Echo-sensei, I’m very sorry, I don’t speak English.”) 

Time (September 11th): two consecutive nights, two enkais. So much money! So much raw fish! So much Japanese! Why did I agree to this?! Wait a sec, there’s a lull in the conversations. That must mean the speeches are going to start soon. Not without my using the restroom, there’s not! Turn to my neighbor, try to get his attention. “Um…sumimasen. Toy-re wa…?” (“Excuse me…where’s the toilet?”) Crap, I’m saying it wrong. He doesn’t have a clue what I’m talking about. Point up the staircase. “Ee deska?” (“Is it okay?”) He confers with a few nearby teachers, then shouts something to the restaurant owner. Really? We need to check with the owner before using the facilities?! Note to self: in the future, use the washroom at home beforehand and then hold for the requisite two hours. Okay. The owner seems… reluctant, which is weird, but if I don’t go now, I’ll be in trouble in an hour. Okay, scoot out from under the table, and up the stairs. Cute little landing. Must be a second-floor for when they’re really busy. Now, where’s the ladies’ room? I only see one door… Flick on the light. A washing machine. A sink. A table and chairs. Homey. Very homey. Too homey. Oh my gosh! I am in someone’s home. I am in the restaurant owner’s home. I want to melt through floor right now. I want to… I wanna pee. I need to. It’s not going to get any less awkward if I don’t. Turn a handle…bingo. Postcards on the walls. A calendar with symbols I’ll never be able to read. Yup, this is totally someone’s home. I have unwittingly trespassed into a stranger’s home and am now using their toilet. Well, it’ll make a good story, if I’m ever stupid enough to tell it.* Get back downstairs. The teacher sitting next to me has gotten beer-rosy while I’ve been away. “So…how do you like Japanese-style living?” He could be insinuating any number of things, but I’m going to give us both the benefit of the doubt and pull the blonde card. Smile and giggle and pay as many simply-worded compliments as possible. Pretend we gaijin do this sort of thing all of the time – march into private facilities. I don’t know what else to do…?       

Hit me, Baby (March 22nd): Showed up at Mochigase, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed to find this:

No wonder my kids spell deer "b-e-e-r" and frog "f-l-o-g."

It’s the start of March/April’s (yes, I’m getting lazy) International Board. And it’s been like this since I hastily put it up on Friday the week prior.

Writer’s note: there have been others, and there will undoubtedly be more. However, they are easier to admit to with time. Stay tuned…