I would like to preface this entry by explaining that I rarely seek to purposefully break the rules. I just happen to be a pro at doing it accidentally.
 |
| shot by a compliant, but confused fellow first-year JET "Why do you want a picture of this...?" |
Hit me, Baby: this overly enthusiastic pose in a squatty-potty outhouse near Higashihama Beach was taken sometime in early August 2011. It would take another few months to realize I’d been using it backwards.
Hit me, Baby (December 7th): walked
into (and around) Kawahara
Daiichi Elementary
School
One more time (March 7th): while
preparing to play a violin concert at Saigo ES, I confidently waltz into a
carpeted multipurpose room with my indoor runners on, only to be whispered at
apologetically by a teacher a few awkward seconds later. No shoes in…carpeted
rooms?
Hit me, Baby (August 23rd): couldn’t
find the restaurant hosting my Mochigase Junior High School welcome enkai and
showed up twenty minutes late. While I’d been told tardiness to such parties is
a no-no, it didn’t seem like a big deal. Still, I vowed not to make the same
mistake twice.
One more (September 10th): after
an incredibly hot and humid Undokai (Sports
Day), my JTE at Kawahara Junior High School dropped me off at home thirty
minutes before our enkai was scheduled to begin with a warning not to be
late. I took heed, downed a couple litres (literally) of water, and headed back
out into the scorching late afternoon sun. Without showering. Without even changing
out of my brand-new 100% polyester school track shirt. Not only
was I not late, I was early enough to observe the arrival of virtually every
other teacher; showered, changed and nearly all noticeably late (my JTE
included). I also learned that while hydration is a beautiful thing, it can
also be a painful one if not timed properly (i.e. go to the toilet before every tipsy teacher decides to
make a ten-minute toast to goodness knows what, occasionally slurring
surprisingly articulate apologies in your direction consisting of variations on
the theme of “Echo-sensei, I’m very sorry, I don’t speak English.”)
Time (September 11th): two
consecutive nights, two enkais. So
much money! So much raw fish! So much Japanese! Why did I agree to this?! Wait
a sec, there’s a lull in the conversations. That must mean the speeches are
going to start soon. Not without my using the restroom, there’s not! Turn to my
neighbor, try to get his attention. “Um…sumimasen.
Toy-re wa…?” (“Excuse me…where’s the toilet?”) Crap, I’m saying it wrong.
He doesn’t have a clue what I’m talking about. Point up the staircase. “Ee deska?” (“Is it okay?”) He confers
with a few nearby teachers, then shouts something to the restaurant owner. Really?
We need to check with the owner before using the facilities?! Note to self: in
the future, use the washroom at home beforehand and then hold for the requisite
two hours. Okay. The owner seems… reluctant, which is weird, but if I don’t go
now, I’ll be in trouble in an hour. Okay, scoot out from under the table, and
up the stairs. Cute little landing. Must be a second-floor for when they’re
really busy. Now, where’s the ladies’ room? I only see one door… Flick on the
light. A washing machine. A sink. A table and chairs. Homey. Very homey. Too
homey. Oh my gosh! I am in someone’s
home. I am in the restaurant owner’s
home. I want to melt through floor right now. I want to… I wanna pee. I need
to. It’s not going to get any less awkward if I don’t. Turn a handle…bingo.
Postcards on the walls. A calendar with symbols I’ll never be able to read. Yup,
this is totally someone’s home. I have unwittingly trespassed into a stranger’s
home and am now using their toilet. Well, it’ll make a good story, if I’m ever
stupid enough to tell it.* Get back downstairs. The teacher sitting next to me
has gotten beer-rosy while I’ve been away. “So…how do you like Japanese-style
living?” He could be insinuating any number of things, but I’m going to give us
both the benefit of the doubt and pull the blonde card. Smile and giggle and
pay as many simply-worded compliments as possible. Pretend we gaijin do this sort of thing all of the
time – march into private facilities. I don’t know what else to do…?
Hit me, Baby (March 22nd): Showed up at Mochigase, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed to find this:
 |
| No wonder my kids spell deer "b-e-e-r" and frog "f-l-o-g." |
It’s
the start of March/April’s (yes, I’m getting lazy) International Board. And
it’s been like this since I hastily put it up on Friday the week prior.
Writer’s note: there have been others, and
there will undoubtedly be more. However, they are easier to admit to with time.
Stay tuned…
